Father’ Day 2010:  What To Give Your Husband For Father’s Day

Its been my habit to speak to women about men on Father’s day,

          A follow up on speaking to men about women on Mother’s day.

This year I’m going to get a little more specific,

          I going to try to help wives figure out what they need to give to their

                   Husbands for Father’s Day

          Ladies this message will help you to understand what men really want even

                   if your not a wife.

                             But if you are a wife I am going to help you give your husband

                                      the best present you could possibly give him on

Father’s Day.

There is a huge inequity between Mother’s Day and Father’s Day.

          It seems that the whole nation takes Mother’s Day rather seriously.

                   There is a great cultural pressure that bears down on all of us who

                             have mothers—anyone here not have a mother?

You know the only person in history that didn’t have a mother was

          Adam, and looked how that turned out.

          We all feel this pressure to do something nice for our moms on Mother’s

                   day.

                             And men you know that your wife is either a mom herself,

                                      Or has the ability to become one.

                                                That’s why back on Mother’s Day I gave you

                                                          priceless information to keep you out of the

                                                                   doghouse.

          Now here we are at Father’s Day, and its just not the same.

                   It seems like Father’s Day isn’t taken as seriously as Mother’s Day.

                             Watch this clip; it does a fair job at illustrating what I’m talking

                                      about:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-G1qAlf-Ag

Father’s Day doesn’t seem to get the respect that it deserves.

          I think this is another cultural phenomena created by the sitcom depiction of

                   father hood in general.

          Dad’s like Jim Anderson (1949-54) of Father Knows Best,

                   Ward Cleaver (1957-63) of Leave it to Beaver             

Steve Douglas (1960-72) of My Three Sons

                                      Mike Brady (1969-74) of The Brady Bunch

                                                Cliff Huxtable (1984-92) of the Cosby Show

                                                          Are all Dad’s you can respect.

Charles Ingall (1974-1982) of Little House on the Prairie

Dan Conner (1988-97) of Roxanne

Jack Arnold (1988-93) of the Wonder Years

          But in recent years dads like

                   Tim Taylor (1991-99) of Home Improvements

Hal Wilkerson (2000-06) of Malcom in the Middle

          Raymond Barone (1996-2005) of Everybody Love

                   Raymond

                                                          Portray father’s as buffoonish, incompetent,

                                                                   people we laugh at.

                                                                   Fathers who are difficult to respect.

Dad have you noticed the kind of presents you get for Father’s Day?

          Ties, soap on a rope, after shave…

                   Watch this clip of Cliff Huxtable going through his treasure chest of

                             gifts from Father’s Day past.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E-eInUBfRP4

When my kids were younger I would always make sure they got their mom

          something nice for Mother’s Day.

                   I like to do something nice for my wife on Mother’s day even though

                             she isn’t my mother.

Ladies if there is a husband in your life,

          Even if he isn’t a father, there is a something nice you can give your man on

                   Father’s Day.

                             And believe it or not, you’ll find it right in your Bible.

Turn with me to the Song of Solomon, the Song of Songs—

          Oh Excuse me that’s a different message.

                   Lets read Ephesians 5 verses 21-33

Ephesians 5:21-33 (NIV)

 ²¹ Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

     ²² Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. ²⁴ Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

     ²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her ²⁶ to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, ²⁷ and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. ²⁸ In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹ After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church-- ³⁰ for we are members of his body. ³¹ "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." ³² This is a profound mystery--but I am talking about Christ and the church. ³³ However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Ladies that last verse tells you the best gift you can give you husband for Father’s

          Day is respect.

                   R - E - S – P - E - C - T

I’m going to develop that thought in a moment but I first want to comment on

          On this passage--verse 22.

“Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.”

I was researching this passage of scripture and I came across something I didn’t

          know.

The earliest and oldest Greek manuscript is called “P46”

and the word submit is omitted.

Eph 5:22 (Wescott-Hort)

αι γυναικες τοις ιδιοις ανδρασιν ως τω κυριω

The verb Submit is missing (an anacoluthon) so a literal translation of the verse

          reads: “Wives to their own husbands as to the Lord."

Put verse 21 & 22 together and you read

“But even as the assembly is subjected to the Christ,

so also wives to their own husbands in everything.”

Now this might seem like much to do about nothing

But I think this means that wives are not to act independently from their

          husbands.

“This teaching is descriptive of how a marriage is,

 rather than prescriptive about how a wife is supposed to “perform”. http://titus2keeper.wordpress.com/gods-calling-to-women/“wives-are-subject-to-their-own-husbands-in-everything”-ephesians-524/

          So neither husbands nor wives are autonomous.

                   Paul says in verse 31 that the two are one,

                             And in verse 30 that both are members of Christ’s body.

                                      I think this is a call to interdependence,

                                                Of intimate connection,

                                                          In which both husband and wife are

                                                                   considerate of one another.

Verse 24 tells us that the husband is the head of the wife.

          Don’t lose the idea of mutual submission—

                   A head by itself can survive just as well as a body with no head.

          The mistake that has been made over the centuries is to assume that

                   submit and head meant that the husband is Lord.

          Headship has more to do with responsibility than ruling.

                   I need to run back to the Garden of Eden to explain.

Genesis 2:15-17 (NIV)

The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. And the LORD God commanded the man, "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die."

                   The command is given to the man before the creation of the woman.

                             I think that makes the man the responsible party.

                                      The man is the one whom God holds accountable for his

                                                stewardship of Eden.

                   Then as Paul continues with his illustration about the body,

                             Notice what is written about Christ the head of the church.

                                      Look what Jesus does for his Church—

Ephesians 5:25-28 (NIV)

“…just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her ²⁶ to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.”

                   Christ loves the Church,

If you recall back to our Mother’s Day message it’s with sacrificial,

          purifying, cherishing, unbreakable love that Jesus embraces the

                   Church.

                                                Jesus is the responsible party for the Church.

                                                          Jesus leads for sure,

                                                                   And also nourishes, provides and

                                                                             protects the Church.

          So I think that the husband as head of the wife means that God holds the

                   man accountable for the stewardship of his family.

                             Being the head means being the responsible party.

That’s why I think Paul says its better to remain single than to get married.

          Its hard enough to be responsible for your own self before God,

let alone being responsible for your wife,

and this being Father’s Day, your children.

1 Corinthians 7:28 (NIV)

But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.

Headship means leading, nurturing, providing and protecting your family.

          A task that God holds husbands accountable for.

                             Headship is servant leadership not authoritarian rule.

“There is no teaching here that a wife is a slave to her husband.

On the contrary the husband is ordered to make sacrifices for his wife that

          she is not ordered to make for her husband.”

(Randolph O. Yeager, The Renaissance New Testament, Volume 14, p. 341)

In chapter 6 in Paul’s instruction to Children about parents and slaves about

          masters the verb changes from submit to obey as a command.

                   But not here in Chapter 5.

Since we seem to be doing a lesson in the Greek language we might as well look at

          verse 24 while we’re at it.

Ephesians 5:24 (NIV)

Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

 

Ephesians  5:24 (Wescott-Hort)

αλλα ως η εκκλησια υποτασσεται τω χριστω ουτως και αι γυναικες τοις ανδρασιν εν παντι

Literally translated the verse reads:

Ephesians 5:24 (Darby)

But even as the assembly is subjected to the Christ, so also wives to their own husbands in everything.

Notice one less submit and there is no should.

“The wife is not a social, physical, economic slave to her husband any more than

          the church is such a slave to Christ.

The equality and intimacy of the believers connection with Christ

          (John 17:21) is the heavenly pattern after which the husband

                   and wife relationship is patterned.

(Randolph O. Yeager, The Renaissance New Testament, Volume 14, p. 342)

Submit means the wife is to follow the lead of her husband out of love.

          The Husband is the one God holds ultimately responsible for his family.

                   Submit does not mean slave,

                             Submit does not mean servant,

                                      Submit does not mean inferior status,

                                                Submit is a response to love,

                                                          A decision to follow the lead of another.

                   Submit does not mean the wife has no opinion,

                             No insight, no contribution, no influence, no say.

I think this teaching to wives means that as a husband carries out the

          responsibility of his office as husband,

putting his wife and family before himself with

          sacrificial, purifying cherishing, unbreakable love,

                   out of reverence to Christ her savior,

                             the wife is to allow the husband to

                                      lead.

Ladies think of the relationship this way---{my big fat greek wedding clip} http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ebaFd53yO40&NR=1&feature=fvwp

When a husband feels he is being looked up to as the ‘head” in a relationship,

he will automatically allow his wife to become the “neck”—

she will be able to point her man in the right direction.

http://www.crosswalk.com/marriage/11590402/page4/

With all that said ladies if your are still listening to me lets get to what this

          message is really all about—What To Give Your Husband For Father’s Day.

Ephesians 5:33 (NIV)

However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Aretha Franklin

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MrV0c9ETnWo&feature=related

Ladies the best gift you can give you husband for Father’s Day is respect.

                   R - E - S – P - E - C - T

Proverbs 14:1 (NIV)

The wise woman builds her house,
but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.

A wise woman builds her home by respecting her husband.

          The foolish woman by being unappreciative, corrective, demeaning,

                   ridiculing, or ignoring, is disrespecting her husband and tearing down

                             everything she really wants.

(Mark Gunger  http://www.crosswalk.com/marriage/11590402/page5/)

Ladies find out what RESPECT means to your husband--

Let’s see if I can help.

Respect.

          Respect is a willingness to show consideration.

                   Respect is an attitude that is communicated not only by the words you

                             say, but also by the way those words are said,

and your body language or how those words are

          presented.

          A wife communicates consideration by being thoughtful of her husbands

                   feelings.

                             Think of it as a combination of empathy and sympathy,

                                      An attempt to understand his perspective on things;

                                                A “sys-tem-pathy.” J

                   Don’t confuse consideration with agreeing,

                             Consideration is your validation of his feeling,

your understanding of him,

          not your stamp of approval.

          Considerate means taking him in to account in the decisions you make in

                   this relationship called marriage.

Respect.

          Respect is expressing appreciation.

          A wife communicates appreciation by acknowledging his acts of sacrificial,

                   purifying, cherishing, unbreakable love.             

                             There is a whole bunch of stuff a good husband does that he

                                      wouldn’t do if he wasn’t concerned about providing for

                                                you and protecting you,

don’t allow his efforts to go unnoticed.

                   Cut out complaints and increase compliments

                             Admire the positive and you’ll get more of it.

          Appreciation means showing your husband that he is important enough for

                   you to go out of your way to please him. 

Respect.

          Respect is believing in him, believing that he is competent and capable.

Letting him know that he is your hero,

                             Your go to guy.

                                      If he feels that he is your knight in shining armor,

                                                He acts like it.

          “Honest admiration is a great motivator for most men.

When a woman tells a man she thinks he’s wonderful,

that inspires         him to achieve more.”

(Willard F. Harley. His Needs, Her Needs)

What can you be proud of about your husband?

          What can you praise him for?

                   What can you compliment him on?

When he gets it right let him know about it.

                   Let others know about it.

                             Build him up, brag on him to others.

                                      What gets admired, gets repeated.

When he is assured that you think that he is wonderful and

          Competent you’re going to get him being wonderful and

                   competent in more areas.

          Did you know that behind every great man there’s an admiring wife?

                             (Willard F. Harley. His Needs, Her Needs p. 158)

A wise wife builds her husband up.

“Admire your husband for who he is and what he does well.

Minimize the rest.”

http://factoidz.com/how-to-build-up-your-husband/

Respect.

          Respect is honoring him.

                   Given the context of the Ephesians passage,

                             Honoring means following his lead as he follows Christ.

                                      He makes the final decision.

                                                After all, it’s his responsibility to care for his

                                                          family like Christ cares for His Church.

I think we can also infer from the passage that

when he does not, or is not, following Christ,

respect means a wife lovingly confronts him.

          When he does something not worthy of respect,

                   a wise wife shows respect by lovingly confronting her husband.

                             A loving confrontation is not ridiculing him,

                                      Is not despising him, not berating him,

                                                Nor attacking him.

                   Loving confrontation is not being combative, its being corrective.

                             It is empowering and encouraging and redeeming.

                                      It’s telling the truth with love, with grace, with mercy,

                                                With gentleness and with tact.

                   The believing wife is also a Christ follower,

                             To Jesus is where her first allegiance is to be.

                                      She must be true to the faith first and foremost.

                             As a member of the body of Christ she knows that

                                      loving confrontation is holding another accountable for

                                                living in a manner worthy of the Gospel of Christ. (Phil 1:27)

Respect

          Means being considerate of him,

                             Expressing appreciation for him

                                      Believing in him;

                                                Honoring him by following his lead and

                                                          confronting him when he missteps in the

                                                                   practice of his faith.

Here’s a powerful secret ladies,

“If you will risk respecting your husband even when he is not perfect,

he will open his heart to you  and will become pliable to change.”

Mark Gunger, http://www.crosswalk.com/marriage/11590402/page4/

What to give your husband for Father’s Day?

          Give him something we really wants, really needs, and most certainly will

                   appreciate:

Give Him RESECT.

BACK